She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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