hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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