Pappa wants mamma naked
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
