all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
