You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
