watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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