oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
