White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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