I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
