My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
