Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
