He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
