Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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