How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
this boner is exhausting
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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