so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize