A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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