I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
