im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
