he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
