I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
