it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
