i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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