That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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