I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize