well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
