wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
