i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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