forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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