we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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