How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
