its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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