he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
