Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
