I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
