member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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