I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
