too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
