If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
