I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drake has all the answers
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
