just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
