the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
