I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
