Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I skipped work to stalk him.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
