peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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