Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
