This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
