i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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