Me too!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was like his penis was on wheels.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
