I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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