It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
