her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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