Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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