i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize