Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
