These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
