Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
