Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
