can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
