everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
