I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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