why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
