Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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