I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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