This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
