ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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