arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
